The 111 Wussiest Songs of All Time (91 - 82)
91. 'Angel' Shaggy (2000)Here we have a performer called (of all things) Shaggy who's notorious for horny lyrics in songs titled 'Boombastic,' 'It Wasn't Me' and 'Freaky Girl.' Didn't he realize that this fluffy love song was a step backwards in the quest to become a sex god? Where was his wingman on this one? Listen to 'Angel' | |
| 90. 'Oh L'Amour' Erasure (1986) This synth-pop hip-shaker out-wusses the rest thanks to the syrupy, a capella intro that smothers the tune with a thick coat of melodrama before the drum machines even kick in. It could only be campier if Andy Bell were wearing a tutu while he sang it. Oh, wait a minute... Listen to 'Oh L'Amour' | |
| 89. 'I Honestly Love You' Olivia Newton-John (1975) If you've ever wondered how a 30-year-old Australian got cast as hopelessly devoted teenybopper Sandy in 'Grease,' listen to this wad of heartfelt goo. Recorded four years before she skipped on over to Ridell High, John's first No. 1 is the very sound of female yearning. Listen to 'I Honestly Love You' | |
| 88. 'I Knew I Loved You' Savage Garden (1999) The millennial Air Supply. The band name, borrowed from Anne Rice, is wildly misleading -- Savage Garden were nothing if not savagely non-threatening. Hiring Kirsten Dunst as the video's object of affection didn't make the group's biggest hit any more butch. Listen to 'I Knew I Loved You' | |
| 87. 'Open Arms' Journey (1982) The shamelessly manipulative ballad: Every big pop-rock act had to have at least one. After hearty, lusty rockers like 'Any Way You Want It' and 'Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin',' then mega-stars Journey let Steven Perry's squishy side lead on this gelatinous weepie. Listen to 'Open Arms' | |
86. 'Don't Take the Girl' Tim McGraw (1994)If Tim's high-pitched twang doesn't make you cringe, the song's lyrics sure will. He's about as manly as Faith Hill when he begs -- tail between his legs -- "don't take the girl." Listen to 'Don't Take the Girl' | |
| 85. 'Hey There Lonely Girl' Eddie Holman (1970) When R&B radio listeners flocked to record stores to buy this sublimely sweet single, they saw the name "Eddie" on the sleeve and muttered, "A guy sings this?" Decades later, Holman's smooth falsetto still fools the occasional slow dancer and car-commercial viewer. Listen to 'Hey There Lonely Girl' | |
84. 'Crash' Dave Matthews Band (1996)With these fairy-tale overtones, whispering vocals and desperate lyrics, Dave showed that he's more sensitive than the frat boys in the front row of his concerts. Oh, except for the "hike up your skirt a little more" part . . . 'cause that's a ballsy thing to say to a chick. Listen to 'Crash' | |
| 83. 'You're the Inspiration' Chicago (1984) If you entered "inspiration," "end of time," "heart & soul," "love" and "wussy" into an auto-song generator, this is the song it would spit out. Peter Cetera and co. were so unoffensive here, it's offensive. For the Muzak version, we imagine they just stripped out the vocals. Listen to 'You're the Inspiration' | |
| 82. 'I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman' Britney Spears (2001) After three years of inspiring a billion barely-legal fantasies with her suggestive songs and peek-a-boo outfits, Britney reigned in the Lolita act and played the wide-eyed-and-innocent card on this pop confection, proving that even bubblegum pop tarts have ability to wuss out. Listen to 'I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman' |
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