The 111 Wussiest Songs of All Time (81 - 72)
| 81. 'On and On' Stephen Bishop (1977) This one just about sums up the whole great decade in soft rock: Everybody's got a broken heart. Poor ol' Jimmy "puts on Sinatra and starts to cry"; Lonesome Sue "smiles when she feels like crying." In the mid-'70s -- energy crisis, Watergate, Vietnam -- who didn't? Listen to 'On and On' | |
80. 'Friday I'm in Love' The Cure (1992)The worst thing Robert Smith ever did was fall in love. After more than a decade of leading the goth army with songs soaked in wrist-slitting melancholia, the Cure frontman skipped into the Top 40 with this deliriously upbeat diddy about getting nookie at the end of the week. Listen to 'Friday I'm in Love' | |
79. 'The River' Garth Brooks (1991)This song makes the "King of Country" sound more like the queen. Or like Tony Robbins. With its chase-after-your-dreams message, it's the generic self-help book of music. | |
| 78. 'Lovin' You' Minnie Ripperton (1975) Opening with the soft sound of chirping birds outside the window, this song is as overtly sexy in its own way as a stack of Barry White and Donna Summer 12-inches. But that glass-shattering ululation Minnie musters is hardly soft. Listen to 'Lovin' You' | |
| 77. 'Scarborough Fair' Simon & Garfunkel (1968) Based on a folk ballad dating back to the 1670s, there was nothing particularly rock 'n' roll about the S&G hit that immediately preceded 'Mrs. Robinson.' Neither parsley nor sage, rosemary nor thyme could spice up these placid proceedings. Listen to 'Scarborough Fair' | |
76. 'To Be With You' Mr. Big (1991)The sole No. 1 hit for hard-rock shredders Mr. Big was more likely to be heard around a campfire than in a rock club. The follow-up single was 'Just Take My Heart,' further proof that sappy sells. Especially in Japan. Listen to 'To Be With You' | |
| 75. 'I Need Love' LL Cool J (1987) Homeboys have feelings too, and Mr. Smith deserves props for being the first to admit it. After searching both inside the closet and under the bedroom rug, he concluded his quest for intimacy with "I'll be waiting . . . I love you." Aww, no wonder the ladies adore him. Listen to 'I Need Love' | |
| 74. 'I Want To Know What Love Is' Foreigner (1984) After a hard-rockin' and hot-blooded '70s, our corporate-rock protagonist apparently encountered so much heartache and pain he didn't know if he could face it. Whaah. The gospel choir on the chorus seals in the wimpiness like a Ziploc baggy. Listen to 'I Want To Know What Love Is' | |
73. 'I Do (Cherish You)' 98 Degrees (1998)Four young meatheads who obviously listened to too much Boyz II Men are hardly the source for wisdom on the sanctity of marriage. With lyrics fit for a first grader and a music video featuring Screech from 'Saved by the Bell,' it's hard not to wince from this much wuss. Listen to 'I Do (Cherish You)' | |
| 72. 'I'll Make Love To You' Boyz II Men (1994) Their rivals may have been bumping and grinding their way up the charts, but Boyz II Men's desires were more wholesome. Any sensual deed would be initiated by the lady and, of course, performed only in the manner she preferred. A true gentleman knows that passion is no excuse for rudeness. Listen to 'I'll Make Love To You' |
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