The 111 Wussiest Songs of All Time (21 - 12)
| 21. 'True' Spandau Ballet (1983) Any band with the word "ballet" in its name is predestined to score high on the wuss meter. Add a lead signer who belts his lyrics with the overcooked, show-tune enthusiasm of Tony Hadley and the deal is sealed. Listen to 'True' | |
20. 'Such Great Heights' Iron and Wine (2003)The Postal Service originally delivered this love song with poppy synthesizers and sickeningly optimistic lyrics, so it has a level of wussness baked in. But have Iron and Wine cover it, put it on the 'Garden State' soundtrack and use it in an M&M's commercial, and you have yourself a wussy homerun. Listen to 'Such Great Heights' | |
19. 'Right Here Waiting' Richard Marx (1989)Richard Marx owes the public two apologies: One for the mullet and another for this mopey ballad, which still pops up just when we think it's safe to get our teeth cleaned. Right Here Waiting' | |
| 18. 'I Believe I Can Fly' R. Kelly (1996) When Kenny G. covers your song, it's official -- your testosterone is waning. Backed by a full orchestra and choir, Kells' growing self-esteem left him poised in a cornfield ready for take-off. Now facing a child pornography trial, he probably wishes he really did have wings. Listen to 'I Believe I Can Fly' | |
| 17. 'Close To You' Carpenters (1970) The Carpenter siblings laid the groundwork for an unparalleled career in low self-esteem with their first big hit, a No. 1 tune written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David. Why do birds suddenly appear? Depends what kind. Vultures? Chicken hawks? Listen to 'Close To You' | |
| 16. 'All By Myself' Eric Carmen (1976) Carmen's Raspberries were one of the power-pop firecrackers of the '70s. Going solo evidently sucked all the spark out of the poor shlub. This one gets the nod over 'Never Gonna Fall in Love Again,' another all-time pity party: It came first and charted higher. Listen to 'All By Myself' | |
| 15. 'Cry' Johnny Ray (1951) Poor 'ol Johnny Ray indeed. This pretty-boy '50s crooner didn't just sing about crying -- he practically cried about it. This gushy hit made teenage girls want to take this sad sack home and mother him. Their boyfriends just wanted to give him a real reason to cry. Listen to 'Cry' | |
14. 'Dear Mama' Tupac (1995)Code of the streets No. 1: Show love to no woman. Yet when 'Pac rapped, "Even as a crack fiend mama, you always was a black queen mama," he proved the rule's exception and caused thugs everywhere to wipe their eyes. One tear only, though. Any more than that, and you'd be a buster. Listen to 'Dear Mama' | |
| 13. 'You Don't Bring Me Flowers' Neil Diamond & Barbra Streisand (1978) It's the merging of guilty pleasures. Neil meets Babs in a violin-ridden tale of love that's expired like their careers. "You don't bring me flowers; you don't sing me love songs . . ." Sounds like an episode of 'Dr. Phil.' Listen to 'You Don't Bring Me Flowers' | |
| 12. 'I Want It That Way' Backstreet Boys (1999) "Tell me why" every Backstreet Boys song didn't make its way to this list? A sonic assault of sappy that stuck in your head like a bullet, this song's cloying chorus and the Boys' accompanying choreography were just screaming for a playground beatdown. Listen to 'I Want It That Way' |
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