The 111 Wussiest Songs of All Time (11 - 2)
11. 'Hello' Lionel Richie (1984)Over a spare piano melody, the R&B romantic -- and daddy to Nicole -- sings of unrequited love. The woman he loves has no idea he exists, but that's not the point. He really cares for her. After all, isn't that why we all stalk people? Listen to 'Hello' | |
| 10. 'Fix You' Coldplay (2005) These British softies apparently didn't get the memo that 'Dawson's Creek' had been cancelled when they wrote this weeper. Luckily, the producers of 'The O.C.' love syrupy ballads, and frontman Chris Martin managed to outwhine the show's mighty Cohen. Listen to 'Fix You' | |
| 9. 'If' Bread (1971) The uncontested champions of wuss, these hair-parted-in-the-middle, slacks-wearing California boys have forgotten more classic whimperings than James Blunt will ever write. Nothing showed off sensitivity to the ladies like a 'Best of Bread' 8-track. By comparison, the Eagles were Slayer. Listen to 'If' | |
8. 'Do You Really Want to Hurt Me' Culture Club (1983)While most '80s icons were out scoring with models, Boy George spent his free time weeping in his studio. Torn apart by his turbulent love affair with his Club's closeted drummer, the cross-dressing pop queen poured his heart out on this mid-tempo tearjerker. Listen closely and you can almost hear his mascara running. Listen to 'Do You Really Want to Hurt Me' | |
| 7. 'What's Left of Me' Nick Lachey (2006) Newly-divorced Nick got his heart broken by mean ol' Jessica, and it spawned this syrupy serenade. He may be "half the man," but getting half the money can't be all that bad, can it? Listen to 'What's Left of Me' | |
| 6. 'Longer' Dan Fogelberg (1979) Of the lawsuits holding musicians responsible for violent lyrics, comedian Denis Leary once quipped, "Does that mean I can sue Dan Fogelberg for making me into a pussy in the mid-'70s." After citing a couple of this song's Hallmark-card metaphors, the prosecution could rest. Listen to 'Longer' | |
| 5. 'Every Rose Has Its Thorn' Poison (1988) Poison's rampant hedonism was just a cry for help from the band's secret, inner wuss. If the lipgloss didn't give it away, lyrics like "instead of makin' love, we both made our separate ways" exposed the guys as a bunch of softies. Any real metalhead would know that roses are only cool when paired with guns or tattoos. Listen to 'Every Rose Has Its Thorn' | |
| 4. 'You're Beautiful' James Blunt (2005) It's the classic, tragic love story: Stoned man sees pretty girl on subway, girl exits with boyfriend, man loses will to live . . . all set to a bitchin' Spanish guitar riff menacing enough to evoke Wham's 'Careless Whisper.' Listen to 'You're Beautiful' | |
| 3. 'Ben' Michael Jackson (1972) Long before he was accused of anything unsavory, Michael Jackson's mind was in the gutter -- singing this screechy love song to a rat. Yep, Ben, the protagonist of the movie of the same name, was a heckuva guy, but he ate garbage. We wish we could say that rodent love songs stopped here, but see also 'Muskrat Love.' Listen to 'Ben' | |
| 2. 'Sometimes When We Touch' Dan Hill (1997) It doesn't get much softer than this soft-rock classic from a Torontonian who barely got it up for one more Top 40 hit a decade later. He wants to cuddle his beloved "til the fear in me subsides." By the sound of things, that could be awhile. Listen to 'Sometimes When We Touch' |
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